To Post or Not to Post... That's the Question...

Wow. I just want to say thank you for your responses and your e-mails about my Torn post. I feel so uplifted and encouraged by those of you who have been in the same type of situation. I would even venture out to say that I even see things a little more clearly now. Maybe it was your input, maybe it was plain ol' writing it down, or both. But I feel better and I think I even have a plan. I will be sure to keep you updated but I want to say thank you for all of your encouragement. It's nice to know I am not alone.

And even though I realize the post was quite cryptic, some of you caught on quite well! I'm impressed! (When you anger mama bear...)

Posts like these make me think about posting in general. Sometimes when I write, I am torn over whether or not to hit publish. I know as bloggers, we all deal with this in some capacity. Do we share too much? Do we share enough? And who gets upset when we share all of it? (My husband, for one...)

I ask these questions all the time when I am hesitant to spill something. Especially when I think about how it could be interpreted by people close to me. I often struggle with how much to talk about and how much of my life should be here for all the world to see.

And in the end, it usually boils down to two things. The first being that whenever something really bothers me, I turn to writing for comfort. I just have to write. Sometimes I get up in the middle of the night because my mind is going and going and going and I sit out here in the dark and type away. Usually, simply because of that, it will end up here in some form or another. Because by writing, I can literally see what I'm feeling, I can spill it out all over the page, and whether it's poetic or not, it's there for me to look back on.

It also helps me by giving me a buffer between the intense emotions I am feeling and my official reaction to them. If I get to write about it before I have a chance to respond to the situation, the outcome is usually just a little bit better for everyone involved.

Sometimes, though, it is worse.

And that happens when I begin typing, and I notice my typing becomes pounding and then the water works begin (and when the water works begin, literally the flood gates open and there is no quiet crying here, it usually turns into open mouth sobbing.) And then I realize that perhaps, something here is really affecting me strongly, profusely and profoundly! Either way, something is written and undoubtedly in blog post form. But whether to hit publish or not, that's the second thing.

I physically cannot bring myself to write on here if there is one big thing going on that I cannot get past. And those are usually the times when you will see a few blank days go by. Maybe even just pictures. I will toy with whether or not to post and then, in the end, I will either choose to post, like I did this week, or choose not to post based on what is happening and who is involved (for instance, sometimes if a family member is in the hospital or something medical is going on and I am really upset about it or worried, I so badly want to post here, but I have a lot of family who read this blog and I would hate to post something about that and have my blog be the one way they found out that there was something going on. I guess it's kind of a courtesy for my family. I would hope that everyone would be notified before they read what's happened here. Although, I guess it would be a good way to spread the word. I am not sure, though. If you're a family member reading this, feel free to chime in. Also on the flip side, I don't mind so much spilling my life, but I feel a duty to be careful about who else's life I am spilling.)

The point that I am so poorly getting to, is that I never feel like just posting drivel when something big is going on. Because I feel like I am not being totally honest. I feel like I'm keeping something from everyone. Not that I have to tell everyone my business, but this blog is kind of about my life and the things that are important to me, so it's important for me to be honest. If I'm posting pictures or some "Hey, how's it going - to-do list type of post" I know that's not really what I am thinking and that makes me feel like a loser and who wants to read about my drivel anyway? If I'm gonna bother writing, I may as well do everyone a favor and just put out the good stuff.

I won't lie, sometimes the blog will go blank because I'm just plumb out of things to write about or out of articulate ways to say it. Then I turn to reading other blogs because you all have some great stories.

Anyway, it's all so gray, isn't it? To post or not to post.

The one thing I will, however, typically refrain from posting about is politics, particularly when it comes to my views on them. I'd rather wander into whole "patriotic duty to vote" section then wander down the Right Versus Left aisle. I learned that in college. (At least I learned something, right?)

So I just wanted to say, "Thanks." I so appreciate your words. The online community can really be such a wonderful place.
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  1. I can relate so very much to everything you said. It's a tough balance sometimes, what to share or not, and it's hard when something major is consuming your mind to post some bit of nothing important. I get it.

  2. This is such a well written post and one I totally understand. When something is going on in my life I just can't talk about you will start to see me post about movies I have seen or anything that is non emotional. Great post!


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