My Current Pace

What happens when you have an awesome fire inside you and it invigorates you and you count on it to get you out the door in the morning, in fact you don't even have to count on it because it is just there and you don't have to summon any motivation because that fire is just there, and then, all of a sudden, it isn't?

What happens when that fire is gone? When the honeymoon feels over? When you're left there just feeling sort of lost?

That is where I am today.

A couple of weeks ago, I read a tweet from a tri-group in my area that said, "It's spring! Time to train!" and I thought, "What?? We've been training since NOVEMBER, where have you been!"

And I realized that some people don't train all winter long. Hell, I've never done anything all winter long. Usually, I do some stuff in November but take a sort of break in December and then hop up on that wagon again with everyone else in the world in January and then fall off again in February. But because I had that triathlon in April, I went and went and went, all winter long. And now, that tri is over. And even though I have a couple of things coming up, that spirit and vigor is just gone. I'm tired. I'm feeling like I used to feel, that bitterness about having to actually work out in order to not be fat because my body just really wants to be fat or gets there quickly when I'm not looking.

I was excited for so long that triathlon gave me so much happiness that I enjoyed working out. But somewhere along mile 12 of my last long run, I got tired.

It sounds so pathetic, really, when I write it all out like this, like I should really just stop my yammering on and move my ass already! But I am actually physically tired. My body is tired. I do actually get out the door and go to the gym and when I am there, I think the fire will start itself as it usually does and then it doesn't, my workout is ho hum and I return home having done something but nothing of real substance, I really just didn't do nothing.

I am floating aimlessly, alone, in the vast fitness ocean, bobbing up and down, not seeing a horizon in any direction.

Turns out that yes, it happens too, even when you're close to goal.

Yesterday, I began to work on my wall of motivation again. That was sort of a small life raft. I reminded myself that I am doing a half-iron distance triathlon in November and a marathon next January. Not to mention, the half-marathon in 3 weeks!

I will get a calendar and start writing in the training plan for the November triathlon and my little sprint triathlons this summer (there are 5).

I will find some people to train with from my tri group because I need them so badly to push me.

And then, this weekend, when I watch my husband do his triathlon, maybe the fire will spark for me again. And I'll want to get busy.

Because right now I'm tired and I want to go back to sleep and later on today, I want tacos.

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