To Ben and Jerry (If That's Your Real Name...)

Dear Ben and Jerry,

What are you trying to do to me?

Please, I'm begging you, please stop selling your ice cream in my local grocery story on Buy One Get One. I can't take it anymore!

Your name probably isn't even Ben. Or Jerry for that matter!

For all I know, you're probably another average mom triathlete in the 35-39 age group whose real name is Geri, and you just want to pass me this weekend. You are a midpacker like me and you hope to inch your way up that list. Your "sale" is a conspiracy.

Well you can forget it! I'm going to pass your ass on the bike! And then I'll show you. Just because I had a half a pint of your darned Peanut Butter Cup Ice Cream last night, doesn't mean anything!

That's all. See you this weekend, GERI.

Christie O.

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