I Am A Sucker

I found myself sitting on my mother's couch this weekend ogling at a new fantastic contraption on yet another tv infomercial and decided something.

I'm a sucker.

I get captivated by these things because they look so wonderful and fantastic and they make it seem to me like I must have this. YESTERDAY!

And when another one of these things pops up on the television, I find myself watching the infomercial from beginning to end. Multiple times. Even if there's something better on. Because we have a dvr.

(In fact, I really should turn this off. But it's still on. Because I must see what else it can do!)

Just so you know, I knew the Magic Bullet Blending System infomercial by heart.

My husband would catch me watching it and I'd flick off the channel and he'd give me that look that says, "I know what you were doing."

It blends guacamole! It makes salsa!! You can make an omelette in 30 seconds! All of these cups are microwavable! You can make frozen drinks for everyone and all the lids are different colors so you will never mix them up!

What I also heard: "If you buy the Magic Bullet Blender, every single day will be a party!!"

My most recent acquisition was this:


The Big Top Cupcake. It makes a cupcake that's 25 times the size of a normal cupcake. It's so ridiculous I had to have it and I got it for Christmas. It.looked.magical. So magical that I can't even remember the actual name is "Big Top Cupcake," I call it the Magic Cupcake thingy. I would stop and watch the commercial where ever I was. I talked of this to my parents. My sister. My husband. All the people who would too eventually get caught up in my infomercial madness.

Because we all now have the Magic Bullet Blending system.

Alas, the Magic Cupcake thingy is only just ok. (I'll save you from yourself if you're like me.) I can't actually get it to look like a cupcake. I made one for Christmas so that we could gather the children around and sing to Jesus for his birthday. And someone crassly referred to my cupcake creation as a 'Jesus nipple.' I know. It's just so wrong there are no words and I'm pretending that by crossing it out, it's like I'm not really saying it. Because I'm sure the person who said it's going straight to hell. They know who they are.

So anyhoo. Back to my infomercial addiction.

Yes I own the Magic Bullet Blending System, even though when I excitedly mention the words "Magic Bullet," people do not initially believe I am speaking of a device that you use in the kitchen. (I do wish they'd change the name.)

magic bullet

I even have the upgraded version that came with a giant blender. So I have all those little cups, PLUS a big blender (which was what the original version was lacking -- and believe me when I say how annoying that is when I'm trying to blend a lot of something only to be able to blend a little bit of something lots and lots of times.)

But I made the children's babyfood in it, tomato sauce (which has become legendary on my legendary Margherita Pizza), guacamole, mango salsa (there was that one terrible incident when I didn't know you should remove the seeds from the jalapeno first...) Oh the memories. This contraption I still very much use and love. I still have yet to use it at in a party situation for mixed drinks because I am now the person who used to make babyfood and now has less of a need to make mixed drinks (or maybe more reason, depending on how I look at things...)

The Perfect Brownie pan I was initially excited about because it appeared to make a whole bunch of brownies that were all corner brownies! Corner brownies!! I can't believe they make such a thing! I would do anything for a pan that makes all corner brownies! Anything!


But while the pan does indeed make a perfect brownie each time, all the corners are not as crispy as the real corners, so that, too, is only just sort of ok. To spare you from yourself too.

There's also that infomercial for the "Your Baby Can Read" thing which looks amazing and I feel like a bad parent every time I watch it because I've forked over money for the Magic Cupcake and the Magic Bullet, but something educational that can better my children? Nah.. (I'm terrible!) In fact, I'm so terrible that while skipping through the channels on one of those mornings where there are only infomercials on, I spotted a device that makes your boobs look fantastic and lifts them and it makes them look like you've had surgery without the surgery! (Did you know size "B"'s can droop after children? I know. Right? It's awful.)

Well we were passing through the commercials (my husband had the remote) and he passed by this thing, I asked him to stop, we watched, we went on and saw the "Your Baby Can Read" thing but I was still stuck on the "boob" thing and said, "We really need that!" and my husband thought I meant the "Your Baby Can Read" thing, which is what I should've meant if I were a good parent, and then he stopped when he realized I didn't mean the educational thing and said, "Oh, you meant the boob thing, didn't you?" And called me out on it. I know. I'm terrible.

I even got stuck watching an entire hour of one of those Time/Life music CD shows all on the classic country because I am secretly captivated by June and Johnny Cash and wanted to see the little snippets the infomercial had on them. And then I got caught up in the other music and briefly believed that I needed this CD series, too. Because you know, it's not available in stores!

But now I have my sights set on this: The Redi-Set-Go.


It's like an inverted George Foreman grill (which we have). You can broil a steak and onions in it, but there's also an insert that makes omelettes, or if you pour batter into it, you can make little chocolate cakes with chocolate bars inside of it! There's also an insert with little holes so you can make pancakes, little muffins, cakes, potato and egg thingies, and really this is why I'd want this pan, for the insert with the holes!


But I suppose they make something like this already, right? It's called a "muffin pan." And I have a hundred of those.
So I guess I'll skip this one. Even though it still looks really cool! And I'll longingly watch its commercial. That is, of course, until the next cool thing that comes along.
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