God Was With Me In the Tiny Room, I Swear

If I didn't believe in God before yesterday (which I did), I sure as heckfire do now.

Because He took care of me while I was waiting in that tiny, hot, stuffy room for 2 1/2 hours, with my two children, during their naptime. 2 1/2 HOURS.

The room was full of grumpy people waiting for 2 hours or more, which is what you have to do if you don't have an appointment, like me. But it was that or not get the little voucher you need to get into the free Pre-K program that we're thinking about switching to because it just so happens to be at the elementary school my son would go to kindergarten at anyway, and also at a very, very good school.

So my tiny little men waited. And they waited. In the stroller, with their little Happy Meal toys because we stopped at McDonalds on the way over because I knew that would set us up for a successful afternoon of waiting while they should have been napping and let me preface this by saying that they both still, very very much need their naps...

At one point, my 4 year old asked out loud, "Mommy, are we staying here all night?" And the room laughed and I said, "I hope not." But it felt like it.

And my little mens were great, on a scale of 1 to demonic, they were a 0 and I thank God for that, because I wouldn't have blamed them for a second for being little demons instead of little tiny angels. (Is the key here in this situation to keep expectations low so that you are pleasantly surprised? Maybe...)

But more importantly, God was with me when I turned and looked at my son who was crouching in the corner, thinking real hard, with that look on his face that only means one thing: he's about to smoke us all out of the room.

I thought, Oh dear God, help me.

Because that's when I realized the worst possible scenario was occurring.

 I did not have my diaper bag.

But can you blame me? I was rushing! I picked up the kids from school and ran to this place so I could wait in line for 2 1/2 hours in a tiny, overstuffed room with no venthilation! How easy it is to forget a crucial item like a diaper bag!

But here He came, to the rescue, once again with His humor and sheer genius.

Right when I panicked, I got a whiff of something wonderful. Magical, even.

Popcorn.

Yes, someone at that very moment, at the moment my son should have been smoking all these angry souls out of the room while I sat there helplessly ignoring the odor that could only have been coming from one place, made popcorn.

I was saved.

Honestly, what are the chances?

At that point, my name was called, I got my voucher, no one hated me, I went home where the poo stunk up my own house and had to immediately be removed, and it was a good day, the end.

* * *

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God Was With Me In the Tiny Room, I Swear

http://babytealeaves.blogspot.com/2010/05/god-was-with-me-in-tiny-room-i-swear.html

My Current Pace

What happens when you have an awesome fire inside you and it invigorates you and you count on it to get you out the door in the morning, in fact you don't even have to count on it because it is just there and you don't have to summon any motivation because that fire is just there, and then, all of a sudden, it isn't?

What happens when that fire is gone? When the honeymoon feels over? When you're left there just feeling sort of lost?

That is where I am today.

A couple of weeks ago, I read a tweet from a tri-group in my area that said, "It's spring! Time to train!" and I thought, "What?? We've been training since NOVEMBER, where have you been!"

And I realized that some people don't train all winter long. Hell, I've never done anything all winter long. Usually, I do some stuff in November but take a sort of break in December and then hop up on that wagon again with everyone else in the world in January and then fall off again in February. But because I had that triathlon in April, I went and went and went, all winter long. And now, that tri is over. And even though I have a couple of things coming up, that spirit and vigor is just gone. I'm tired. I'm feeling like I used to feel, that bitterness about having to actually work out in order to not be fat because my body just really wants to be fat or gets there quickly when I'm not looking.

I was excited for so long that triathlon gave me so much happiness that I enjoyed working out. But somewhere along mile 12 of my last long run, I got tired.

It sounds so pathetic, really, when I write it all out like this, like I should really just stop my yammering on and move my ass already! But I am actually physically tired. My body is tired. I do actually get out the door and go to the gym and when I am there, I think the fire will start itself as it usually does and then it doesn't, my workout is ho hum and I return home having done something but nothing of real substance, I really just didn't do nothing.

I am floating aimlessly, alone, in the vast fitness ocean, bobbing up and down, not seeing a horizon in any direction.

Turns out that yes, it happens too, even when you're close to goal.

Yesterday, I began to work on my wall of motivation again. That was sort of a small life raft. I reminded myself that I am doing a half-iron distance triathlon in November and a marathon next January. Not to mention, the half-marathon in 3 weeks!

I will get a calendar and start writing in the training plan for the November triathlon and my little sprint triathlons this summer (there are 5).

I will find some people to train with from my tri group because I need them so badly to push me.

And then, this weekend, when I watch my husband do his triathlon, maybe the fire will spark for me again. And I'll want to get busy.

Because right now I'm tired and I want to go back to sleep and later on today, I want tacos.

* * *

Please help me fight cancer by donating HERE. I'll even give you a present! Check it out and read about who I'm running for HERE! Follow me on Twitter. Subscribe to my blog.

My Current Pace

http://babytealeaves.blogspot.com/2010/05/my-current-pace.html

A Break is Good

Today I learned that it's ok to take a break sometimes.

Ever since I can remember, I have trained for 5 or 6, very rarely 4, days a week. In the freezing, in the heat, in the rain, in the morning, late at night. After I reached my goal in March of doing the Olympic distance triathlon, I felt good afterward and I didn't really take a break. I probably should have, but I was fueled and excited for more so I didn't.

But last week something weird happened. Last week, I ran further in one week than I ever had, almost 30 miles. After my long run last Saturday, I got up early and biked and swam on Sunday morning. On Monday, I rested. And I think the fire burned out.

I was so tired.

On Tuesday, I rested too. And Wednesday came, and still I was tired.

Thursday passed. Still nothing in me to go do anything swim bike or run-related.

Friday too.

Nothing. Whatever I had in me was spent and I was just so tired. Mentally and physically. In my brain, I think things like "sloth" and "lazyass," and honestly, I have to remind myself that yes, while I might be lazy sometimes, this was not total laziness. It was burnout. I have officially burned myself out.

So instead, I tried not to feel guilty and I filled my days up with other things. I spent the week keeping myself busy in projects like gardening and removing horrible seashell wallpaper from my guest bathroom. I didn't go to the gym. I didn't go for a run. I didn't stick my bike on the trainer like I had planned. Nothing.

Instead, I worked on my projects. I took the kids out to the spray park. I had them help me plant flowers (and by plant flowers I really mean they made sand "birthday cakes" for each other out of sand on the sidewalk while I planted.) They helped me rip off wallpaper from the walls, which they thought was the coolest thing in the world. We went to the library and we read books about volcanoes and the human body over and over and over and over and over and over again. We had a great week together, just doing other things.

And when this morning came and I felt ready again to go do some sort of physical activity, I was still pretty tired but I felt my body getting antsy. I was worried that I had lost some fitness and that maybe it would be hard to gut my way through a couple of miles. And I thought, "Wouldn't it be crazy if even though I'm dragging ass right now, I have the best workout ever when I'm done?"

So the kids went and played in kidcare while I hopped on the treadmill. And that's when it happened.

27:50.

Three miles in 27:50.

Three miles in 27:50!!!!!!!!

I don't know what it was but my body felt like happily furiously flying along and I was suddenly happy that I had listened to my body and given myself a break to gather myself last week. Because sometimes you just need to unfocus to refocus. Or so it seems for me. Now I have to figure out what to do to spice up my workout-life a little (wear lingerie?)

What do you do when things get stale? And do you feel guilty about taking a break?

* * *

Please help me fight cancer by donating HERE. I'll even give you a present! Check it out and read about who I'm running for HERE! Follow me on Twitter. Subscribe to my blog.

A Break is Good

http://babytealeaves.blogspot.com/2010/05/break-is-good.html

Scream Free, That's Me!

I DON'T WANT TO YELL ANYMORE!

There. I said it.
Have you found that after you get to a certain age or have children, everything becomes so much more annoying? Stop that tapping! You're charging me for using my pin number? Are you seriously not going to take back this water bottle belt that I haven't used even though I'm upgrading and giving you more money for the more expensive one????

It's like how old people start not caring about what they do or how they drive, they just back out of the driveway without looking and say, "Look out! Here I come!" They don't even pray that you stop, they just plow on out with complete faith that you will, because they're old and they can.

Recently, I've approached that first step of elderly, where I have noticed that I, too, have stopped caring in certain scenarios. It's like you get to a certain age and you don't wanna take any more crap from anyone. Because that's what I've done all my life. I've been the one who just sat aside idly while someone completely took advantage of my niceness.

Whenever this happens and I'm in the midst of someone actively taking advantage of my niceness, I think back to 8th grade basketball. I had fallen down on the court and was hugging the ball and an entire gaggle of girls from the other team came stomping over, trampling me, ripping the ball away and from the stands I hear a mom call out, "That's right, girls, step all over her! Get that ball!"

Bitch.

But that's the type of person I was. I was too nice to get up and go stand up for myself and plow back over and knock them down for revenge. And my basketball career ended that year to be honest. I was just not aggressive that way. I was the passive aggressive type. I would be aggressive, but only from my side of the court or the field, i.e. softball or volleyball. Not in a contact sport type of way. And in life and career, although I was a leader in my job, I respected authority just a little too much and I would always, always get ripped off at the car dealership.

When I had children, a variety of things changed, like, for instance, my ability to take crap and the amount of shame I carried around with me. Now I didn't care anymore what people thought about me (or my underwear in the middle of the gym floor), and I wasn't afraid to go into a store and demand something and/or write a strongly worded letter if I wasn't happy with the results.

But I also began to yell more, too, and mostly at home. I would lose my cool and be the one throwing the tantrum right alongside my 4 and 2 year olds. How cool am I?

Aaaand I really wanna stop doing that. So I'm issuing you a challenge for 30 days. I am becoming a scream-free zone. Even though it is really, really, really, really, really, really, really hard to not yell when you're the mother of two toddler boys who are 19 months apart.

But here are some of the ways I have done this (I explained this a little for our May Monday Project at the Sisterhood of the Shrinking Jeans). And so far I have been successful.

• I ask questions. Do you think that's a good choice? Do you like it when people hit you? Can you try asking again in your indoor voice? Can you use your words? Was that a nice thing to say? Can you try that again?
• Change the subject. Look at that shiny object over there!
• I try to offer two mom-approved choices so they're under the illusion they have a choice.
• I've stopped saying "no" and instead say what we can do or offer an alternative. I.E. Him: "Can we climb a giant ladder and stand on the roof and jump off?" Me: "We can go outside and make sand birthday cakes, how about that?" Him: "Can we have cake?" Me: "It's time for breakfast, but maybe after dinner."
• Spell out the consequences nicely. "Hitting is not ok. You will not be allowed to play at the spray park if you hit." And then promptly remove him and follow through with the consequence. Although that does not net a pretty reaction from the child, so remaining scream-free in this instance is extra-difficult. Mommy may need a huge reward beer, wine, chocolate cake for keeping her cool in this scenario. 
• I have tried diffusing situations way before they brew. For instance, now if we leave for school at 8:55, I get us ready at 8 because it takes about a half-hour to decide which shoes we want to wear and because for some reason, they slow down to a stop when we have to get ready to go somewhere, so this gives us time to do all that toddler dilly-dallying.
• I give them a head's up before we change activities. (One more go down the slide and we're leaving! We're going to put on pajamas right after dinner, watch one Noddy and then it's storytime!)
• Finally, if I really, truly get pissed off, I whisper angrily. I get quieter rather than louder. And it has become so much more effective than yelling! They know I mean business when I'm whispering.

So we'll see how it goes. So far it has really been a lot more zenful in the house. And everyone is yelling a little less. I'll update here next Friday with my progress and if you wanna join in my little Scream-Free Project, feel free to post about it and link up down in the comments, or just tell me how you're going to be scream-free too. Because I can use all the suggestions you have!! Safety in numbers, I always say!

* * *

 Please help me fight cancer by donating HERE. I'll even give you a present! Check it out and read about who I'm running for HERE! Follow me on Twitter. Subscribe to my blog.

Scream Free, That's Me!

http://babytealeaves.blogspot.com/2010/05/scream-free-thats-me.html

7 Days of Hooray! 7 Days of Gah!

I knew going into this that eating clean for 21 days would be a tall order. The first week I had some rough patches but overall I give myself an A-. The second week, well, I had two good days. If I had to grade myself it would be an Incomplete.

But I'm not beating myself up over it because in the end, I have added the following goodnesses into my life:

-Avocado
-Spinach leaves (and I actually crave this)
-More veggies in general
-Apples for breakfast, which were pretty normal before as a "snack", but now it has become our "go to" in the morning
-Very, very much less alcohol. Because I was having a beer or glass of wine pretty consistently with my husband for a while but now I have very nearly none. I won't say completely none, as I did have two beers this week (on Friday) when I couldn't calm down from the terrible day I had, not that I turn to alcohol for comfort but who are we kidding, I guess in this case I did. But it was in a social setting with my husband in an all-around effort to try and decompress. A naked chicken tender was just not going to do it for me that day.

So instead of looking at the negatives (which was my terrible eating all weekend through to last night which includes the following: Steakandshake burger and shake and fries, veal parmesan and fettuccine with WHITE sauce on Mother's Day, Mother's Day cake, and Mickey D's on Monday, I choose to look at the positives as stated above, despite my 4 day hiccup. And while I have had pretty much the week from hell (I won't lie, that did have something to do with my terrible eating) on the positive side, I have also chosen to do my best to channel my zen into organizing projects and gardening.

In the end, my weight is exactly the same as last week, which is good. I had a huge milestone running week, I actually ran 24 miles last week (8 last Tuesday, and 12 last Saturday), biked 12 miles and swam 2 miles (give or take) so I burned a bajillion calories, I just didn't replace them with the good ones. (My bad.)

So I will begin again, knowing that I have done an ok job at incorporating good things into my life and trying to remember that lots of activity is not a license to gorge self on massive amounts of grease and fat.

So. How did you do?

;p

* * *

Please help me fight cancer by donating HERE. I'll even give you a present! Check it out and read about who I'm running for HERE! Follow me on Twitter. Subscribe to my blog.

7 Days of Hooray! 7 Days of Gah!

http://babytealeaves.blogspot.com/2010/05/7-days-of-hooray-7-days-of-gah.html

Weigh-In Wednesday

Hi!

Well it's Wednesday and you know what that means!

I weighed in, I lost a pound. Woohoo! (Does it count that I've gained and lost this same one for a couple of weeks now? Not really? OK. Fine.)

I am on a 21 day "eat clean" thingy and I did pretty well this week, for the most part. Except for the part when my friend scored tickets to a benefit held by former Tampa Bay Buccaneer Derrick Brooks at the Hard Rock Hotel and Casino and there were football players everywhere was a completely open bar and gourmet buffet. I only had sushi though and one asiago cheese ball (I said cheese ball, huh huh huh huh) but I am ashamed that I violated my no drinking policy with vodka and cranberry (you know, for the antioxidents and besides, cranberry juice is great for your urinary tract and whatnots). And around midnight, a slice of pizza at the Hardrock Hotel's food court.

So it was a day of indescretion or as my friend called it, a wash.

But one day out of 7's not bad.

And plus I paid for it the next day. I was dehydrated (not hungover!) and beat (I got home just before 1 a.m. which is unheard of on a Sunday night!) All reasons I am doing this in the first place! Yeah, that's it! I did this in the name of research!
I have learned a lot though so far. I've learned that I really do have a pattern of eating out of leisure or boredom or just because it's there, and I've learned that even if it fits into my calorie allotment, I don't always make healthy choices. It's been nice to eat a ton of spinach salad (and have the kids fight over my last little "leaves"!) and introduce guacamole and avocado to the kids (and have them love it!) and grill up a ton of chicken breast and have it to pick on for a few days. I even found myself switching to yummy tea instead of coffee and having a pomegranate spritzer (the juice with seltzer) in a wine glass!

I hope week 2 goes better though, this really does take some discipline and concentration and it really is just plain old kinda hard! What are you doing for your 21 days??

Hop on over to the Sisterhood to read about everyone elses!

* * *

Please help me fight cancer by donating HERE. I'll even give you a present! Check it out and read about who I'm running for HERE! Follow me on Twitter. Subscribe to my blog.

Weigh-In Wednesday

http://babytealeaves.blogspot.com/2010/05/weigh-in-wednesday.html

A Mother's Day I'm Surprised About!

If I wanna see how my life has changed since I started running in April of 2008, I need look no further than the Mother's Day I'm planning for myself.

Because there was a time where all I wanted was to sleep in. For just one lovely day, sleep till my little heart's content.

And then, one day the "perfect" Mother's Day turned into starting the day off with this.

Clearly I have an illness. Or maybe it's cause they're giving away free dri-fit shirts AND shorts. Woooooo! Also, they advertise breakfast with all the fixins.

This is my type of race.

* * *

Please help me fight cancer by donating HERE. I'll even give you a present! Check it out and read about who I'm running for HERE! Follow me on Twitter. Subscribe to my blog.

A Mother's Day I'm Surprised About!

http://babytealeaves.blogspot.com/2010/05/mothers-day-im-surprised-about.html