Baby Tea Leaves

THURSDAY THIRTEEN

THE "BEFORE I WAS A MOM" THING.

Before I was a mom...I'd never thought in a million years thought I'd:

1. clean up poop, barf, spit-up, and/or any other mysterious substances without so much as batting an eye.

2. kill a spider willfully and/or vengefully as if protecting my homestead from intruders.

3. make my own babyfood.

4. wear mom jeans. Well, they're jean shorts. I just bought them because I finally feel like my legs aren't so tree-trunky that I'd be embarrassed to wear them. However, my husband just informed me they're "mom jeans". The worst part is, I HAD NO IDEA! I didn't think they looked mom-jeansy. I have always wondered when and how women turned the corner to wear such things as mom jeans and housecoats and right now I am fearing the worst. That maybe it's happening right.as.we.speak.

5. make my bed every morning. Ha! This one gets me. My philosophy has always been (and you can ask my husband), why make it when you will just mess it up in a few hours? That was back when I woke up at noon. Which brings me to:

6. Wake up at 7 every morning and feel like the day is already gone by 9 a.m. Me??? The wake up at noon girl? Ha!

7. Weigh an ungodly number of pounds both during and after pregnancy. I never saw that number on a scale before and I really hope I never do again. Post-pregnancy, that is. During pregnancy, all bets are off.

8. Care so much about another human being. I had heard things about this kind of a love. I thought when I got married that this love was the major kind. But then, the kids came. And I found that now I love so much it hurts. I mean really hurts. The bring-tears-to-your-eyes-just-thinking-about-it-kind. The kind that makes you want to wrap up your husband and two kids in bubble wrap so that not even a hair on their head gets hurt or broken because the mere thought of it just makes you want to die.

9. Want to be so close to my own parents and sister. That major love thing? Yeah. It extends to those first family people.

10. Own a minivan. Go clubbing in a minivan.

11. Not want a beer or wine or cocktail. Not that I was an alcoholic before, but now, I think about things like, I have to get up at 7 or I will have to nurse the boy.

12. Have two boys. I have two boys! I always pictured girls in my life. However, my boys have been such a pleasant surprise and I've found out that I actually do the boy thing pretty well. I don't think I'd be able to handle a girl, quite frankly. That is, if she's anything like me. I guess I could wing it if I had to. I'm pretty sure though that if there is a third child, he too will be a boy and I already have his name picked out.

13. Actually enjoy living with other people. I am a live-by-myself type a gal. I liked the studio apartment-style-living in New York and the guy-roommate because they're never home thing. But obviously, having a family and all means everyone all up in your business. Like going to the loo only to have a little face open the slidey door and start gibbering on about things like toof-payse. And completely in distress over the fact that I haven't turned on the light yet and had no plans on doing so.

But I couldn't picture it any other way. I am in heaven.

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