Normally this would be a Mantra Monday. But since this is the post-race recap, I'm going to do some preempting. And a little video blogging.
Yes, I was hoping to vlog Friday night. Before the race. But then it turned out to be so much more complicated than that because of course nothing can be that easy. And then I accidentally erased entire parts of the video which I still have no idea how or why. There was some dancing and some pre-race pasta in there, and well, now you get some beginning and some end.
But this was educational for me. Hope you enjoy my cheesyness in all of its Velveeta-ey cheesy goodness.
So. All of that being said.
Wanna know how it really went?
Here we go.
Well, to put it mildly, I had a bit of a rough go at first. The water was cold. It wasn't that cold, but it was cold enough for my body to go, hey, man! What the hell! And then it took me a while to catch my breath with all the flailing and thrashing limbs about, and I may or may not have just bobbed there for a good minute or two thinking about whether or not I was actually going to make it to the bouy way the hell far away from me, that little dot on the horizon from me really, and I even actually did have the thought that I might not even try because it seemed so impossible. And those surfboards were right there, ready to take me away if I wanted them to.
Yes. All the training I have done and I was about to bite it on the swim, that easy. I even had this amazing swim earlier this week, this huge breakthrough swim! And even after all the murk-swimming and facing my fears and all of that, even still, I came thisclose to throwing in the proverbial towel.
I can't describe in words how disappointed I am in myself. How could this happen?
Even my inner monologue was completely turned off. I couldn't even trash-talk myself into moving. I was blank. There were no words in my head for the person who gets stuck in the words in her own head. Nothing.
Eventually I felt my body ready to move forward, but I still didn't even put my head in the water, I swam freestyle with my head on top of the water for most of the swim, just trying to make it to point B. And it took me literally FOR.E.VER. I was watching my watch tick by and the time get longer and longer and finally I got to the end, ran through the sand and into transition, said forget it to my gloves, just threw on my shoes and helmet and took off. I couldn't even believe I had made it out of the water to my bike.
My horrible swim had tired me out so much and I had given myself a target time of an hour and 30 minutes but still I had some serious making up to do and all I could do was pump my legs to start passing people. My mind was still turned off, so I just pushed. I let the adrenaline take over and I pushed through the 10 mile ride as fast as I could, eventually passing people and that felt good, really good, and I started to get choked up because my mind was turning back on and I realized that I was still persevering through this bike and kicking some ass on it, despite my hugely disappointing swim. I was going to finish strong no matter what it took and I felt that.
I got to the end, racked my bike, threw on my fugly shoes and hoofed. Hard. Historically, I haven't been able to run fast after biking or biking and swimming. I haven't been able to pull less than a 36 minute 5k. And this time, I hadn't been able to really catch my breath since the swim but I was booking anyway. Having your age written on your calf was so beneficial to me because I knew when I was passing someone in my age group and I knew when they were passing me. And eventually I got to a pack of people in my age group who kept trying to pass me, we kept going back and forth, but I kicked it into gear and made a big jump ahead and left them in the dust. Yes I did. I don't feel bad either.
I crossed the finish line at 1 hour and 32 minutes. Two minutes past my goal. And with a 32 minute 5k.
Yes, I completely sucked it in the swim. Things go wrong you wouldn't have anticipated. You do things you never thought you'd do. But it's overcoming it that counts. Yes, I did finish 31st out of 45, toward the back of the pack, rather than the middle. But I beat my 5k time. And I met the time goal I had set ahead of time. So I'm still proud. I can't believe I almost gave up but I actually finished anyway. I mean, in going back to that place in my head where I thought it was completely impossible, I mean truly impossible! It was a terrible feeling.
But having figured out how to do it anyway even if it wasn't the way I would have wanted to or in the time I would have wanted to does count for something.
It's all one big fat learning experience and I have a lot to take with me on this one. And since it was the last tri of the season, I have a whole new set of goals ahead of me. I want to run longer. I want to train in heat and colder water so I can be ready for that. I want to tone up some more and add muscle to my upper body. I want to work on my transition times. I want to work on my sucky vlogging (haha!)