I Didn't Forget. How Could I?

Tomorrow's a big day for me, but today is also big.

We're walking for babies.

My little super-hero born at 34 weeks, my son who sailed past 40 weeks, my husband, and I. Just as we do every year.

Today we walk for the March of Dimes and for babies born too soon. I walk with their mommies who are fresh from the trenches. I walk among families who have angels in heaven. Three miles of solidarity, for theirs. For mine. For ours.

Little Poops, born at 34 Weeks, 4 lbs 11 oz.

Today, happy (mostly) and healthy.

 
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I Didn't Forget. How Could I?

https://babytealeaves.blogspot.com/2010/04/i-didnt-forget-how-could-i.html

Talking About Something I Don't Talk About Much

I am very, very spiritual.

I don't talk about my spirituality often here because I know that there are some people who aren't and who don't like reading about that and I don't want to scare anyone away. But today I'm going to talk about it because I have all of this inside me and I feel like I will explode if I don't. If you're not of the praying kind, that's ok! You may think I'm crazy and I don't mind that either.

I pray all the time. I have conversations with God all the time and whether or not He is in the mood to listen to me, I talk anyway. Very much like I write blog posts and book passages in my head all day long, I pray. That's why sometimes I think my head is a very scary place to be, because it is always talking to someone, it can talk itself into something or out of something and way overthink something.

Then there are the times when I know I should be overthinking something because I am at a crossroads and I need to make a decision.

And that's when instead, I clear my mind and let it all go. God please show me the way. I will do what you want me to do.

And a door will open.

Some people like maybe my husband probably think I am crazy and believe that your mind can will things to happen. I believe that, too. But I do believe in God and I do believe in miracles and I do believe that when I pray for direction, a door eventually opens. It may not be in "my" time, but it always happens. Always.

I have very significant milestones that I have attributed to prayer and every time I pray and an answer comes, it just strengthens my belief that prayer works.

I prayed when I needed to change jobs and direction in my life and eventually made the best move of my life. I prayed for my 2nd baby to reach 41 weeks after having my first come 6 weeks early. And then when I did, indeed, reach 41 weeks and prayed for my water to break yes, it broke that very night. I prayed for answers about why my first child came early. A preemie mom's group started and now I am one of the organizers and we work in our community to help other preemie moms. I pray for direction in my life every day and a road appears.

Yes, a practical mind would think I worked out the answer for myself. But I think it's something more.

A couple of weeks ago, I went to a women's retreat at the church I grew up in with my mother. That weekend was a very difficult weekend because there were very difficult personal decisions to be made and there were very specific fears going on in both of our lives and I decided to throw my hands up and let God tell me what to do. I prayed for my family and prayed for an answer. I figured we had the whole weekend to come up with one.

That weekend was cleansing and overwhelming. It opened my eyes. I cried a lot. I heard God's voice. This is the part where you may think I'm crazy.

My mom had chosen the workshops ahead of time. She picked the ones that sounded the best and made the choice on her own. One of the workshops we went to was about reading psalms and meditation. At the end of the class, our speaker turned the lights off and we closed our eyes. She put on a cd that was the sounds of the ocean.

Now, I hadn't gone into this retreat with the thought of praying for my fear of swimming in triathlon. There were deeper family issues at hand and my focus was finding an answer for that. But as I listened to the sounds of the waves lapping, I saw myself standing at the water's edge, putting my toes in it and basking in the sun and the sounds of the ocean. It's one of my very happiest places in the world. And it seems really silly having grown up near the water and being afraid to actually swim in it. But I am. I get that panicky feeling, I don't like looking down below me and I have trouble breathing. It seems really silly but the fear is actually annoying and borderline debilitating. I swam last summer with a group along a causeway and it was murky and gross and there were jellyfish and mud and it was just gross and skeevy. I panicked in one of the swims in the triathlon at the end of last season. I didn't end the season on a high note in the open water. I have been scared ever since. And then there was that shark attack two weeks ago on the east coast. Seriously not helping.

Then as my eyes were closed and I was in my happy place alongside of the beautiful ocean, I saw myself throw myself into the water, backwards, with my arms spread open and joyful, with a happy, childlike smile and laughter, with my hair flying into my face as the water took me in.

I pray a lot for strength and bravery and found myself listening to the ocean and praying once again.

I saw myself frolicking. Like I was a child again. Splashing around and basking in the ocean's happy waves like the ocean was my best friend and we had a lot of catching up to do. The ocean was happy to see me. It took me in and swirled me around and hugged me and I felt like I was home. It's how I used to feel when I was a little girl, boogie boarding and playing in the waves for hours and hours and hours. These moments gave me that feeling again. That peace. That happiness. That childlike fearlessness.

And as I closed my eyes and listened to the seagulls and the waves crashing, I heard a voice and it was very clear. Fear not God's creatures, it whispered.

Then in my head, I swam.

At the end of the class, the speaker gave us each a shell. I cherish that shell because it was given to me as a symbol of courage and bravery.

So you can imagine that in all my spirituality, how amazed I am at just how fitting it is that my first open water swim of the season be on Ash Wednesday, the first day of Lent. No one ever needs a swim partner to swim during the week in the afternoon, on a day I actually have childcare, but on this day, someone did.

Chance? Maybe.
 
But not to me. I believe with everything in me that I am exactly where I am meant to be, doing exactly what I am meant to do. That is why I can look back at my life and with everything in me, have not a single regret.

Like I said, the answers never come on "my" time. But they always, always eventually come.

On this Ash Wednesday, it is my day to be brave and fearless. Because I'm giving up FEAR for Lent.

* * *
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Talking About Something I Don't Talk About Much

https://babytealeaves.blogspot.com/2010/02/talking-about-something-i-dont-talk.html

The Post That Almost Wasn't

Last week, I went back.

I walked the second-floor hallway for the first time in 3 1/2 years.

The one I had walked down so many times, at every hour of the day or night, even in my pajamas and robe. Going to visit my tiny baby in the NICU, to talk to him, to sing to him, to hold him or feed him the bottles of milk that I was pumping for him around the clock.

When we left that Friday in April of 2005, I prayed I'd never return.

And I didn't.

My second child came on time, in the same hospital, and I avoided that hallway on that floor.

I was so happy.

This year, life took me back to that hospital, and to that very floor. To families who have their babies right now in the NICU. It was time to complete my circle. To help families walking the very hallway I walked, on the very same journey I took.

It was so much harder than I ever thought.

After the shower we threw for the families, I thought it was time for me to go visit the 2nd floor NICU. I had brought some little buckets full of candy that my mom's group had put together for the staff and I was going to bring them down myself.

It was time.

I could have given them to the NICU social worker to give them. But something inside me made me go. Needed to go.

I thought I had prepared myself. After all, we didn't spend a whole two weeks there, it really shouldn't be that hard. Should it?

So I walked the walk. Across the hospital, up the elevator, making a right turn toward the NICU instead of the left turn, where the healthy babies were in the newborn nursery. And each turn brought back pain. So much pain. An unbearable amount of pain. It was getting hard to breathe.

My hands lost feeling. I was terribly numb. I was nauseous.

It was awful.

It was more awful than I can even express and the word "awful" is the only word I can come up with for just how terrible I felt to be there again.

No, there wasn't closure. There wasn't anything except a terrible rush of painful memories, and the noise, my God the noise, the beeping, the darkness, standing next to the nurses station and trying to force a smile while handing them their homemade gifts and all I felt was the need to pass out.

My legs were weak. My knees were buckling. I couldn't breathe and the urge to sob uncontrollably was overwhelming.

It. Was. Awful.

It was all exactly how I remembered it. Every isolette, every section, every wire, every machine, every chair. I was surprised how actual and how vivid my memory of it was. Because when you go through something like that, it feels like you're walking through everything in a fog. So afterward, you wonder if whatever it is you remember is really accurate.

But it was all still there, just like in my head, 3 1/2 years later. Only this time, there were other mommies with that same lost look on their faces, their bellies still swollen where their babies were supposed to still be right now, just sitting there, helpless, next to their babies, watching. Praying.

At the exact spot where my baby was, a mother held her child while daddy snuggled up close to them.

I had sat in that chair. In that very spot.

My heart cried.

I don't know what I had expected. I thought maybe my memories wouldn't match up, that maybe when I had seen the place where my baby slept and lay waiting for me for all those days, that I could let it all go, once and for all. Like a butterfly. Like a balloon. And send my painful memories with it. My memories of a failed pregnancy. My guilt. My sadness. My broken heart for having failed my child before he was even born. My pain of leaving the hospital without him. The fear I had after his rough entry into this world. I wanted so badly for that to all finally go away along with all of the noise in my head.

But instead, I was so overwhelmed that it physically hurt.

I stifled all my feelings until I got home and I sobbed in my husband's arms until I had no more tears left.

I needed to compose myself before sitting down and writing about it. I almost didn't. But I had to.

I learned something that day. I learned that even though we forget so much, that some memories will never ever lessen. They will remain as vivid as the day we experience them.

And that's ok. No, I can't let the memories go. But I can look at my shiny, healthy, little three-year-old ball of energy and know that indeed, I didn't fail him. That instead, I gave him everything I had when he needed me, every second of me that I could and loved him with everything that I had and more than I ever even knew I had. And still do.

More importantly, I know that it wasn't my fault.

Today is Prematurity Awareness Day.

The research by the March of Dimes is very likely why I had a full-term baby my second pregnancy. It is why my son, who was born at 34 weeks, came home from the hospital in less than two weeks. It is why preemies who are born at 24 weeks can survive today.

Today and tomorrow and for the rest of my life, I will fight for preemies.
Until there is no reason to ever walk down that hallway, or sit in that chair, I will fight.

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The Post That Almost Wasn't

https://babytealeaves.blogspot.com/2009/11/post-that-almost-wasnt.html

Fresh

It's amazing to me how fresh memories can be. If I let them.

It was early Sunday morning and my three-year-old got up at his normal six-ish something with his normal wake up call which is opening up our door and exclaiming, "I'm a fireman!" As if we didn't know, of course.

I'm guessing my husband was already kind of awake and just laying there like he sometimes does because he bounded cheerily out of bed saying, "Why don't we snuggle on the couch and watch Fireman Sam!" to which my son squeeled with delight.

I thought, Sweet. He's got it covered. I'm just gonna close my eyes then, for just a few minutes.

Two hours later...

At 8 o'clock, which is totally sleeping in these days, I wake up in my own homemade Folger's commerical, smelling that coffee that's been brewed (my elixer! Yay!) And my 22 month old Mini, who recently learned that not only can he now reach door knobs, his tiny hands are now capable of turning them and opening them (to my chagrin), flings the door open yelling, "Mama!!!" and runs toward the side of the bed where I could only see the top of his head and one hand reaching up at me.

I've still got the sleepies in my eyes and my hair is like Medusa but knowing I have the happiness that is a full cup of coffee in my future, I pull him up and he nestles his head into my armpit and snuggles me and for a moment I close my eyes and remember those very first days. The sleepless ones, where he would wake me up around 7 to nurse and afterward, he'd fall asleep on my chest and I'd struggle with whether to chance waking him up by putting him back down in the bassinet or snuggle until he woke up again to eat. On the weekend, when my husband would be home to watch the other one, I'd choose snuggle.

I would feel his tiny breaths on my chest, feel his chest moving up and down next to mine, the soft flutter of his heart and the softness of his babyskin. I'd lay there with my tiny son as the sun would start to creep in through the white curtains in my bedroom, the birds would begin their morning songs, and I'd gently rub one tiny foot that would poke out of his little sleeper gown.

On this morning, that memory was so fresh I could just feel the autumn upon me despite the still 90-degree Augustness that it really was. There was a stillness to those mornings, a peacefulness that was a new morning after a sleepless night, where for just a couple hours, there was a satisfied, sleepy baby with a full belly and a safe place next to his mama. Ahh. Heaven.

Those were wonderful mornings and I remember them so vividly that I actually feel like I am there, in that moment again fully, if I just close my eyes.

Later that very same day, as I was reading one of my very favorite blogs, a post stirred more memories of something entirely different. It was late and my husband had already gone to bed. I was about to shut down but I read her post about how she and her husband are going to help support parents with children in the NICU through an organization they founded.

I left my comment, and began to read the comments of the 200 others before me (yes, she is a very powerful writer and blogger who has found such meaning through tragedy and quite a following to say the least), most of them talking about their own experience in the NICU and for a few minutes, there I was, right back there myself. I hadn't gotten through but three comments of other mommies before the immediacy of everything, the terror of giving birth to a baby too early, the unknowing, the crying, the alarms, the rushing, and the panic, all set in.

I closed my eyes and decided I would let it sit in my mind for a minute because it was a memory that was mine and I should never rush to put them away. Then I thought about how wonderful everything turned out, how happy everyone is, how healthy my son is, and how the only real problem with my son being born early was how difficult it was for me. Physically, everything was fine. It was me who couldn't seem to get past it at the time. And with that, I put it away, logged off and went to bed.

But I lay awake, finding my mind cluttered and wandering and before long, I found myself in my bed, home without my baby, the one night I had decided to leave the hospital to get rest because I had been sleeping at the hospital even after I was discharged (they had let me pay each night to stay there if there was a room available). Oh the emptiness that is leaving the hospital without your baby. The failure. The sadness. It all rushed back and blanketed me. Just as if it were really happening. Three and a half years later, so vivid. So fresh. And overwhelming. Crocodile tears started flowing from my eyes, uncontrollably, silently overtaking me. Even though, across the house, a healthy three-year-old was asleep soundly in his bed.

Right at that moment, Mini, who never wakes up at night, started whimpering. His whimpers turned to cries, and I wiped my tears and checked the monitor. He was up for some reason, and really upset about something. So I went to his room to check on him and it was really much ado about nothing. He was bothered by something but I never did figure out what, so we snuggled for just a little while in the rocking chair until he fell asleep and I put him back in his crib.

Because how would he, how could he, know his mother was sad, thinking about what was once, right at that moment? How did he know that his needing comfort was really the comfort his mother needed right then?

But it was. It was perfect. His timing, really was impeccable.

Sigh.

So many memories are put away, tightly wrapped, zipped up and locked only to resurface when we least expect it, aren't they? Some of them we try to forget, others just fade away like the seasons. I am sad to think they could be lost if I let them. What if nothing comes along to open the safe? They might always stay there right where I put them.

Even the pain of a memory is sometimes a good memory, to me. It reminds me to feel or that I once felt. It reminds me of who I am today and why. It reminds me of how blessed I am in every way, even if it's just knowing that I am able to feel. Because to feel something, anything, is so much more than feeling nothing. And I think, despite how painful some of my memories are, I'd so much rather feel something.

Fresh

https://babytealeaves.blogspot.com/2009/08/fresh.html

Before and After: The last day!!

The FINALE!

Wow, the walk is already upon us!! Today is the very final day to donate in the whole world! Please sponsor me if you haven't! And if you have, THANK YOU! THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU! This walk, this cause, it all means everything to me. And I suspect it will for the rest of my life.

The more time passes, the more my goal changes.

The first year, it was about healing. The second year it was about moving on. Now, it's about other people. Sparing them, helping them, in every way possible. Being part of a preemie mommy group and reaching out to other mommies and babies in the NICUs. Raising money for the March of Dimes. And we want to do so much more in the coming years!

I also want to say thanks for sharing your stories and for stopping by and reading mine.

This experience really has changed me.

Before, I was ignorant. I laugh now at how a person changes before kids and after. Even with the best of pregnancies, everything is different. As much as I thought I understood when I was single and kidless, I was wayyyy off.

Then when we decided to have children, I realized how actually very hard it actually is to become pregnant. Who knew this??? You hear about teen pregnancy, accidental pregnancy all the time, but there is actually a very small window to get pregnant! It's crazy! So for us, months and months went by and nothing! Would you believe that!

Then when I became pregnant, it was wonderful. And I learned about everything in the world that can go right and wrong with pregnancy. Tests and analaysises and blood pressures. But everything went perfectly for me. Which was great.

That is, until the 28th week, when I started seeing sparkles. And I turned to Google and thought, uh oh. Something's wrong. Then my blood pressure elevated. And then things got progressively worse. I started to swell. I gained 20 pounds in two weeks of just water. I looked like the Staypuff Marshmallow man. I was on twice weekly appointments and then on bedrest. I stopped working. The nursery wasn't finished. I had preeclampsia.

It was week 33 and I knew we weren't going to make it the whole way. I don't know why I knew this. I just did. And I panicked because nothing was finished. My husband thought I was wacko, he thought we had plenty of time. We fought over it. Terrible arguments over how much time was left. I felt like it was a race to the finish line. Even though I was on bedrest, I remember sitting on the floor in all my puffiness and pregnantness, painting the nursery and my friend Jen helping me, while she's trying to tell me not to do it, but no one can tell a pregnant woman who knows her baby is coming any day not to do anything. That's just the way it is. And she gave in and just sat there helping me paint.

At 34 weeks, my water broke. I told you. I knew.

I spent a lot of time at my other blog, The Mis-Adventures of Captain Poopy, reflecting. I feel like that blog helped me heal. It all started with Finally Burying the Hatchet. A few months later, I found out I was pregnant again, I finished Poops' NICU photo album, and I decided to let it all go, the guilt and the sadness, like a big bunch of balloons, release it all, high into the sky.

I was a new me. I came out of my shell. I started to breathe again. I had a wonderful second pregnancy that went all the way, and I started this blog. A new blog about both my babies, but more about me.

I thanked God for the experience because it has changed me. For the better. I have learned to take every pregnant day and cherish it. To take every day with my children and cherish it or at least to try. (This can be especially hard when there is a lot of whining, screaming and hitting, but sometimes in the madness, I can still stop, look at that angry little head and then focus on his little nose and think to myself, what a beautiful little nose... and then let the madness ensue with an entirely different frame of mind.)

Funny how that works.

It has also made me want to champion for other people. Other babies. And the more I talk about it, the more I find that the people who have had premature babies are the grocery store checkout lady, my child's teacher, my OB doctor, my co-worker, my friend. It happens to anyone and everyone, it doesn't matter who it is anymore. And it also doesn't matter how long it has been, it could be 8 years later and it will still bring a mother to tears. That's how real and raw the experience is and becomes and remains.

So thanks. Thank you for letting me share with you this experience and the experience of others over the past week or so. I have had a riot sharing my big hair, my television experience and my bloggy video-debut, my Guitar Hero fundraising efforts, and meeting all sorts of new people in real life and in bloggy life.

I also continue to pray for the families of Maddie, who lost their precious little angel last week, and Kayleigh Anne Freeman, who underwent surgery this week and may be suffering from complications. Send them your prayers or healing thoughts. Please.

I will have them in my thoughts as I walk tomorrow with my group of preemie moms. And it will be an especially tender day for some of the moms in our group because they haven't yet reached the place I am in. Their experience is still very fresh. And I am blessed to walk with them and be there for them. For us, the walk isn't just a walk. It's a time of reflection. It represents a sort of "finish line" and it represents a new start.

So thank you, all, really. For everything.

Before and After: The last day!!

https://babytealeaves.blogspot.com/2009/04/before-and-after-last-day.html

Before and After: My Friend Jen (Part Two)

Jen is the best.

It feels like we've been friends forever and a day. I wish I could tell half of the stories about the two of us hanging out, but well, let's just say, she's trouble.

We rented a house together in Hunter Mountain in upstate New York one winter with about 100 people. Or close.It was a pretty nasty house come to think of it (sorry Jen) but it was a steal. It was right across the street from the only dance club in Hunter and we skiied, oh, about once. (But we did make it to the lodge, if that counts...) And that one time we did ski, I got pummeled from behind by some young kid flying down the bunny hill screaming his head off, arms a-flailing and completely out of control. I had a yard sale (you know, when all of your skis and poles and everything fly off in every direction). I've been scarred mentally ever since.

Jen's broken two bones in her life and both times they were when I was around.

I must be a lucky charm. Seriously.

First one was her wrist or finger or something, about 12 years ago, I can't even remember now but it was when we were rollerblading in Miami Beach and not attending any of the conferences for our National Broadcast Society thingy we were actually there for. (Yeah, go ahead and try to have a conference for college students in Miami Beach. I dare you.)
We're old, but there's still old and grainy documentation of that trip going on right here. One of my many hairstyles shown here too.

The second incident was about 6 years later, when we were living in New York and we went out one night and she left the club before me, fell on her face while crossing the street drunk in chunky shoes, and when I got home, there she was, bloodied in my stairwell. Broken foot. Oh the good times.

Man, you should see us now. Hardly recognizable as our former selves.

(Still hot, though.)

We're all mommied up and staying at home with our sons. Yep. A ton in common, including having preemies. Within a year of each other.

Her son was born less than a year after mine, at 30 weeks. I remember when I got the call from her husband that night when she was going into labor. I hung up the phone and screamed, "Noo!!!!!" and I broke down. I couldn't sleep all night. All I could do was wait for the sun to come up so I could call and check in. I prayed a lot that night.

I kept going through it in my mind: what could I bring? What could I do? I had just walked this path myself and I wasn't sure what it would be like for her. I didn't know what road they would have.

And I got angry. Because, why? WHY! Why was this happening to her? Why did this have to happen? Why??? Why! Why!

And the truth is, we still don't know, she doesn't know, her doctors don't know, no one knows. That's pretty much the way it goes with prematurity. There are no real answers. So the guilt and the sadness and the fear, it all goes together and never really gets answered and so without the mystery being solved, it never really goes away. But you know what? Still she laughs. And that's why I love her.

She's always made me laugh. (Although I'm the one with the wide-mouth-frog joke...)

And her healthy perpective on having a preemie is so refreshing. Because there are so many scary and sad stories out there that it's important to be able to laugh when you can. Or even when you shouldn't or can't.

* * *

Join the Before and After Party by clicking the button and signing the linky! Or e-mail me your before and after pictures of absolutely anything and I'll post it right here!!! Party ends Saturday! By the way, buy anything at my Etsy shop, Inspire Me Chic, until Saturday and all proceeds go to the March of Dimes!

Before and After: My Friend Jen (Part Two)

https://babytealeaves.blogspot.com/2009/04/before-and-after-my-friend-jen-part-two.html

Before and After: My Friend Jen (Part one)

I'd like to introduce you to one of my dearest friends in the whole world, Jen. She is such a ray of sunshine and has the uncanny ability to see the silver lininig in everything. Together we've endured broken bones (ok, just her, more on that later...), boyfriends-now-husbands who took 10 years to "figure it out," and now, having premature babies. Jen blogs at 4 W Questions and is hilarious. Today she is my guest for the Before and After Party and she's sharing her story. On Saturday, we will walk together, with our babies who are now 2 and 3, and we will support the March of Dimes and the fight against prematurity. You can join us in your support right here or by clicking the little button on my sidebar. Without further adieu, here is her story (boy I love her. And you will see why.) :

* * *

Before my cares were real simple: What was I doing this weekend, with whom and how much fun can we possibly have without being arrested?

After. I’d like to say that I’ve grown up some. But not too much. Life has made me a little more serious and some what jaded but at the same time laughter has always carried me through my toughest days.

The greatest shock of my life was my son being born 10 weeks too early. I was terrified for his life and his future. I was so ignorant about how many babies a year are born prematurely before it happened to us.

Nothing could have prepared me for the frightening experience of having a baby in the hospital for eight long weeks. He had blood transfusions, brain scans for bleeding, feeding issues, apnea and bradycardia episodes and a heart valve that needed to be closed. Nothing could have prepared me for leaving my son in the hands of a surgeon. I felt so scared, alone and weak at times. When I just couldn't cry anymore I did what came natural to me and always had, I laughed. The night of my son’s heart surgery I watched “The Best of Chris Farley SNL" at the Ronald McDonald house where we were staying. It was such a release to be able to smile and laugh…really laugh, that belly aching kind of laugh. It helped me to just let the situation go and realize that I had no control over it. No matter how bad things get I will always have my sense of humor. I hope to pass that on to my son. I think I’m doing a good job.

The Before and After Party ends Saturday! Join by putting up your own post of anything before and after, clicking the button above and signing the linky! Or e-mail me before and after pictures and your story and I'll post them right here!

Before and After: My Friend Jen (Part one)

https://babytealeaves.blogspot.com/2009/04/before-and-after-my-friend-jen-part-one.html

The Party

Hi there! (Insert appropriate photo of me waving below.)

So ok, it's Friday night. It's approximately 9:30 p.m. right now as I type this.

I'm still in my pajamas.

As in, the same thing I wore to bed Thursday night.

I know, right?

But whatever. I fully intend on showering in like 20 minutes, after I hit publish. Good thing we don't have smellovision yet. (In a couple years, I'll look back at this post and say, "Remember when we didn't have smellovision yet? I can't even remember what that was like!" Kind of like with cell phones and laptops. And everyone will have to be showered and perfumed before logging onto the computer...)

So I'll start with the best part:

We raised almost 1,000 dollars at Rock Out 4 Babies!

Yes we did! Woohoo! Woohoo! Woohoo!! And the tv station was there too:

That's Jen. She blogs at 4 W Questions about her little supercute little man who was born 10 weeks early. We planned this thing together. Sidebar: Jen and I went to college together and then a few years later found out we were living in New York/slash/New Jersey at the same time. Then it turned out we both had boyfriends we met in college and we were both doing the long distance thing with them. And both of our long-distance boyfriends were refusing to commit. And that was ok with us because we broke up with them. And then we partied. And then we ended up marrying them and moving back here to Florida to be with them. And then we both went on to have children (within a year of each other) and they were both boys and they were both preemies. (Much more on that later -- but you have to admit, it is pretty eery, actually, how parallel our lives are.)

But as you can imagine, we've become dear, dear friends (even though I actually knew her husband before I knew her!) and we planned this Guitar Hero Competition-fundraiser together.

I suspect no matter what crowd turned out, one would always wish it were bigger and that more people came. You measure an event's success by how close you are to having the fire department called because of having a dangerously high occupancy. And unfortunately, no one was calling in the fire marshall on us. But we did have dozens, as opposed to hundreds, and the people who did come were very generous with their support, and no matter what, I have to call this event a success because of that. More than that, though, I think everyone had a blast, I know I did!

And among the Guitar Hero-playing crowd, the number of "Easy Level" players greatly outnumbered the "Expert". In fact there were only two dudes on the Expert level, so you can guess who played in the head to head battle for the grand prize.

Here's one of them (and yes, we made them wear the red feather boa and matching red feather hat. Because if you're going to be a rock star, these are the things you wear. And it wouldn't be an event by Christie if someone didn't have to do something a little kooky at some point. Kind of like talking about having Simon Cowell in their living room.)
There they are, the two dudes. And those were the prizes, an acoustic guitar donated generously by Sam Ash, and an XBox Guitar Hero Guitar and game. We had a lot of other prizes that other sponsors donated for raffles so everyone got a chance to get something fun.

So when we figured out that there were only two really good players and a whole lotta really kind of ok but pretty much beginner players, we played for fun for a while and did a less-competition, more rock out type a thing, until the end when we brought the Experts out again to battle. And only one emerged victorious. But they both got prizes. It's all about charity here.

There was a stage and everything, and Jen's husband owns a production company and he supplied the plasma tvs and the sound system (and his time, thank you T!), and the bar/restaurant he DJs for on the side generously donated the buffet and the room we used. It was amazing how wonderful and generous everyone was in helping us in our fundraiser, including the wonderful women in our preemie mom's group, and how smoothly it all came together. I can't wait until next year because I can already see this event times 1,000.

So it was a blast! The walk is next week, and we'll still be doing Before and Afters all week! (Post anything before-and-after on your blog and link it up right here or e-mail me any before and after pictures and a story and I'll post them right here for everyone!)

* * *

I have to say thank you, again, so much to everyone who has donated to the March of Dimes through this blog so far, I truly truly heart you for your support. There are touching and heartbreaking stories about women, babies, and families everywhere who are or have been affected by prematurity and I don't think I have ever been this passionate about anything in my life. It hits me at my very core. When I think about it even for a second, it brings tears to my eyes and not even because of my experience (because in all my conversations with other preemie moms, our situation was a blessing in comparison.)

I think about the mommy who was released from the hospital tonight, today, a few hours ago, who is walking through the door of her home without her baby. The nursery is done, or maybe it's so early they haven't even gotten to it yet, and she is at home, right now, silently heartbroken. It breaks me. There are families tonight who are grieving right at this very moment, they're all cried out, they're sleepless, and they're praying. Like the family of baby Madeline who passed away this week. Every day I read her mother's unbelievable, strong, heavy-hearted words and I cry, with tears flowing. And Kayleigh Anne Freeman, who was born weighing just one pound and has undergone an incredible journey. She just underwent surgery and the Freeman's Video Blogged about it yesterday and it is just so beautiful of them to open up and share their family with all of us. Please send your prayers to them, the strength of these families is like nothing I could ever describe in words. We are all trying to raise money for the March of Dimes because this money supports research that might one day provide us answers to why this happens, and if this research spares even one baby from being born prematurely, it is worth it. For every reason in the world. So it doesn't matter if you support me or support them or anyone else, please just support the March of Dimes, anywhere you can, you all make a difference.

Love.

The Party

https://babytealeaves.blogspot.com/2009/04/party.html

After the Show, Video Included (DON'T LAUGH!)

OK honestly, it wouldn't be me if I didn't say something that afterward, I thought, "What on earth did I just say? And why would I say that?"

I was on our local FOX station promoting our event, Rock Out 4 Babies, A Guitar Hero Competition. I was so nervous all day. I went out and got a new outfit, I got a Starbucks on the way in, and when I pulled into the parking lot, it was like putting on an old hat that fit so nicely after all these years with the bill folded just how you like it.

And it was really great to see all of my old co-workers and step into a newsroom again. Boy do I miss it. I wouldn't change anything, but I do miss it. I felt like sitting down and logging onto the computer and churning out some stories. The same people are even still there since all the way back when I was an intern a hundredty years ago.

I was a guest on the "Lightning Round" where they have a roundtable discussion about buzzworthy stories that are kind of interesting, like, for instance, American Idol, specifically about whether or not Simon would stay for next season. And to which (as in many of my finer moments) I rambled off something about how if Simon were standing in my living room, I'd ask him for advice.

????

What?

My point being that I like him on the show and I like his comments, but a point which, I fear, did not get translated quite as I had thunk it. Just know that as you're watching, you can literally see the blip in my brain as the words were coming out that said something like, "Where are you going with this, Christie?" but I just kept going...

I don't know why I do this, but it happens. It always has. I was cringing as I watched it playing back to me on the news, watching it through my fingers. Sometimes I make no sense. That's just me. That's why I'm a writer and not a speaker.

Unfortunately (or fortunately) for me, anyone who might be watching who knows me knows that I probably couldn't escape a situation like this without saying at least one of something ridiculous. OK without further ado, here's my performance. My blog video debut. In person. The real thing. Remember. Don't laugh. It's for the babies.

And by the way, can I just say that I never ever like how I look on tv? I don't think I look this bad in pictures or in person, but on tv, I just don't like it. It has nothing to do with skinny vs. fat or anything like that, I just feel like I get manvoice and a nervous giggle and really the camera was on the "bad side" of my face...

Overall, I didn't say everything I had wanted to say because I had one minute and my brain couldn't compute it all in that tiny little fragment of a second they gave me to talk and before I knew it, that was the wrap! But it really kind of went ok except for the face thing and the Simon thing. The point was talking about our event tonight and we did that.

Oh I so hope people will come. We've been working so hard on this! I'm all nervous, I've planned things before but I've never held a Guitar Hero competition. I hope that everyone will stay in the spirit of the charity and not get all "gamey" and sticklery about the actual competition. I just want it to be good times, good food and drinks and lots of money for babies. I will be armed with my camera of course!

Got a Before and After? Post a picture and a story and leave the link HERE or e-mail them to me and I'll post them! It's BEFORE AND AFTER WEEK here at Baby Tea Leaves!

After the Show, Video Included (DON'T LAUGH!)

https://babytealeaves.blogspot.com/2009/04/after-show.html

Welcome to the Before and After Party!!

Welcome to the Before and After Party at Baby Tea Leaves!!! What is the Before and After Party??? It's exactly what you think. It's all about the befores-and-afters. I'm all about the happy ending despite whatever is going on in life. And since this time of year is a time of reflection for me (you'll see why in a minute...) I decided on a party about it! Over the next week and a bit, I'll be sharing a lot a few little tidbits in my life. A look at what it was like in many, many realms of my life before, and then after. Apparently I like reflecting... I've gone on and on about my plant situation, my patio (like you all really care...)

All you have to do is:

a) show up.

b) share anything before and after in your life, from your childhood to now, your wedding photos, projects you've done, home improvements, literally anything related to a before and after. (And just so you know, I've gone and dug deep to find some pretty old stuff to share so it could get interesting.)

c) either sign the master linky here with your post on your blog (and be sure to leave your permalink to your post so everyone can find it!).... or

d) e-mail me your before and afters and I'll post them right here. (christieo_7 at msn dot com). Or:

e) all of the above.

What is all this about???? Oddly enough (or not, and I think not) every year, Poops' birthday coincides with the March of Dimes' Walk for Babies in April. As you may or may not know, Poops was born 6 weeks early because (we think) of the pre-eclampsia I developed in my second trimester.

Poops is my champion.

I walk for him every year, just as I walk for other families who have been touched by prematurity. I would love it if you could sponsor me for the walk. There is no donation too small and you can do it by clicking right here or on the button on the top left of my sidebar. Everyone who donates will get this:

My very favorite silicone bracelet that says, "Strength, Focus, Discipline".

Even if you choose not to sponsor me did I mention it's tax deductible, please join the party anyhow! I will be sharing stories from families who have also been touched by prematurity, along with a lot of little nuggets in my life completely and utterly unrelated to prematurity. But,for day one, I'll open up with my baby's 3rd birthday. Which was yesterday, on Easter.

Holy cow. He's three.

And that's his amazing before and after. His birth is always a time of reflection for me and absolute wonderment, really. Because it takes me back to the time of complete and utter panic and sadness and fear I felt and on his birthday, and now I can look at him blowing out the candles and see this little boy full of life and spirit and imagination and excited about his new bike. One who is uber-excited that he is now three and can hold up the three fingers vigorously and awkwardly to reiterate.

Every year as he gets older and bigger and oh so wiser, I always think about how much I wish "future me" could go back and tell that scared first-time mommy, peering into the incubator in the NICU and crying, that this is what it would be like. That it would be ok.

Poops actually spent very little time in the NICU, only about two weeks. He was 4 lbs 6 ounces when he came home and other than jaundice, he was fine. We were very lucky. Lucky that his lungs matured quickly, that he was off the breathing tube within 12 hours, and that he did not suffer any longterm effects. So many people are not so lucky and I walk every year for them just as I walk every year for my son. I truly believe that the research that is funded by the March of Dimes helped him and also, through weekly injections, helped me carry a second child to full-term. This is what your donations help to do.

On a much lighter note and completely off topic but still related to the topic of before and afters, I was reminded last week of my helmet hair by Maggie, who reflected on her large hair and as I was digging through the photos for the Before and After party, I found this and I felt some courage at the time so I thought I'd share:

HELLO! Yep. I can't even use the 1980's as an excuse. That's the 90's. Specifically what 1993 looked like for me and whomever I was all dressed up to go out with. Poor chap. I can't even remember what function that was to tell you the truth. I'd be able to tell if I could see the dress, but the picture is cut off because of my unusually large face and hair. And this is because my mom took the picture and she was a huge fan of the close-up shot in these formal-type situations. So whenever I dig up old pictures, I see a barage of photos from far away (the group, the couple, the single, the corsage, the dress...) then BAM! My big mug, as close up as possible. Thanks mom!

So come on! Join the party!! Post and sign the linky or e-mail me! Party ends Saturday, April 25th, the day of the walk!! And spread the word with a button! (Especially if you want some dirt on your good bloggy friends!!) This linky will be up and remain up for the entire duration of the party!

<a target="_blank" href="http://babytealeaves.blogspot.com/2009/04/welcome-to-before-and-after-party.html"><br/><br/><img border="0" width="200" alt="BeforeandAfter" src="http://i110.photobucket.com/albums/n94/christieo_7/beforeandafterpartybutton.jpg" height="200" /></a>

Welcome to the Before and After Party!!

https://babytealeaves.blogspot.com/2009/04/welcome-to-before-and-after-party.html

A Party! A Party! And You're Invited!!!

*Sigh* I've done a lot of soul baring on this blog and my old blog, The Mis-Adventures of Captain Poopy (back when there was only one Poopy). A lot of it was sappy and sad. That's what prematurity, preeclampsia and postpartumness do to you I guess.

But these days, it's all happy times and good stuff. That's why I'm throwin' a party up in here!

I'm gonna do a lot of "rememberwhens" and I hope you'll join me!

Here, I'm gonna splain.

My first child, affectionately named Poops (well not really, I'm not that cruel) was born 6 weeks early. I had preeclampsia, I gained 20 pounds in two weeks and my face looked like a giant puffy football (along with the rest of me.) My blood pressure was out of control, I was seeing sparkles, and the swelling. My GAWD the swelling. One night, my water just broke. And that was it. I was introduced to prematurity and ever since it's been my dream, my goal, my mission to raise money for the March of Dimes to do anything I can to spare any family the grief, the complication, the expense and the overall heartbreak that it is to have a premature baby.

I will spare you the details of the NICU stay and what it's like to have a baby that you don't get to see or hold for hours or days or weeks or months, I'll share that later. But for now, I wanna get this party started on a high note!

Because I don't want it to be all woe-is-me (oh we'll probably have some a dat later) but parties are about fun!! So what are we all going to do at this party??? We're gonna get to know each other! And there are two ways to join!

The first way:

-You can post a before-and-after picture OF ANYTHING AT ALL on your blog and then leave the link on Mr. Linky right here! It can be of ANYTHING! You can post one of you before you graduated high school with your giant puffy hair, and you can post your now-picture. You can post a picture of the lovely beautiful plants you bought a few weeks ago that have since gone to the giant garden in the sky (I may know a thing or two about this...) You can post sentimental pictures and remember someone you love, you can post the "single" you and the "married" you. You can post your before and after in your weightloss, anything! Anything that even remotely deals in the beforeandafters is all fair game! I will have a permanent linky up for you to sign so you can visit others and others can visit you!

The second way:

-E-mail me your before-and-afters and I will post them here! I will go on a posting frenzy if I have to! Send me your picture and a short story about it at: christieo_7 at msn dot com.

That's it! I will share with you some stories about my preemie, but I will also share some stories about me -- before and after. I may even show you some of my helmet-hair from high school, who knows. It could get pretty crazy. Throughout the week I will also be featuring families of premature babies and their stories. It's kind of like a blog telethon. What's the point of this?? I believe in the before and after. Anytime life is difficult in some way, the only thing that gets me through, is the after. (This even works with a bad haircut.) I believe in the silver lining, the "when one door closes..." thing, the cup half full, all of that. And that's what this party's about!

There is no cover to the party, but I am walking for babies on April 25th and I would love it if you would sponsor me. You can click the link here or there's a little button on the top left side of my blog for you to do that if you are so kind. And everyone who donates will get this:

It's my silicone bracelet that I love so much, with the message, "Strength, Focus, Discipline". No donation is too small, seriously. Especially for a cause I am truly devoted to.

The party starts Monday, April 19th (Mantra Monday here) and goes alll the way to Saturday the 27th! In between, my preemie moms group is throwing a Guitar Hero benefit (we're giving away a guitar! If you're in the Tampa area that day...) and I'll post pictures of that big party too! So let's have a little fun here! Let's party for a good cause!!!!

A Party! A Party! And You're Invited!!!

https://babytealeaves.blogspot.com/2009/04/party-party-and-youre-invited.html

Virtual Baby Shower

NEW ARRIVAL! FOLLOW THE *DONATE* BUTTON ON MY SIDEBAR TO DONATE TO THE BABY SHOWER! And send me an e-mail if you want me to get something specific with it. All proceeds will go to procuring baby items for the shower!

I am very thankful in the month of November, not only because it's the month that my favorite holiday ever happens to fall in (Thanksgiving), but it's also a month where I like to write about something near and dear to my heart. Prematurity. November is Prematurity Awareness Month which I've been aware of since 2006, the year my first child was born.

It was a bitter-sweet year for me because my beautiful baby was born, but he was born early, something I never had even considered, and when it happened, completely blindsided me. I didn't know what to do. I was a deer in headlights. I was in a constant state of crying-panic-motherhen-robot-ness and I don't think in hindsight it is something I ever could've prepared for. No class, no book can prepare a mother for this. The feeling of being away from your baby, not being able to hold your baby, not being able to help your baby except to be there and even then, there are visiting hours. It is utter torment. And I had it easier than most. Mine came at 34 weeks and he spent only two weeks in the NICU. My dear friend Jennifer's baby came at 30 weeks and their ride was much tougher and longer. I'm proud to say though that both of our babies are healthy and wonderful now.

But here's why this post is coming in October instead of November. We want to help other mommies. Mommies who are standing beside their babies' little incubators right at this moment now. Who are crying. Who haven't had their baby showers yet. Whose happy birthmoments have turned into scary life-trials. Every day they go home without their babies, they return to work with their babies in the hospital, they stay at the hospital for hours or days on end praying and crying and hoping that their babies will be home soon. The March of Dimes in our area is throwing them a baby shower and I'm wondering if you'll help me.

They need things like: Onesies, Hats, Booties, Socks, Bibs, Receiving Blankets, Burping Cloths, Bottles, Nipples, Bottle Brushes, Bathtubs, Washcloths, Towels, Nail clippers, Brushes, Combs, Baby Shampoo, Baby Soap, Cotton Swabs, Strollers, Car Seats, Baby on Board Stickers, Thermometers, Crib Sheets, Pacifiers, Lotions, Diaper Rash Creams, Hand Sanitizers, Car Sun Shades, and Journals. Anything baby, really.

Canyou-willyou-couldyou-wouldyou send in some babystuffs? Please let me know if you're interested in donating one item, or ten, anything that would help. You can send me an e-mail at christieo_7 at msn dot com. Or if you want to link to this and see if any of your readers would be willing to help that would be wonderful too! I will send you my mailing address and collect items here at my house for donation. They are planning to disburse the items November 12-24th, so you can send items anytime and/or right away!

And please, while you're here, sign this petition to tell our legislators to act now on the issue of prematurity! I know too many wonderful women and babies who are being faced with prematurity, and for unknown reasons, it has reached epidemic proportions! So please sign this petition below and please e-mail me if you want to send families some much-needed support!

Thank you bloggers!

Virtual Baby Shower

https://babytealeaves.blogspot.com/2008/10/virtual-baby-shower.html