Weeks like this one are a reminder to me about how everything I do takes a conscious decision. A concerted effort.
That being unconscious, or refusing to make conscious decisions, really puts off the inevitable. Which is having to go back to making conscious decisions.
I spend many, many weeks in a year on some sort of an exercise and food plan. It gets redundant. It gets boring. It gets predictible. It gets old. I won't lie. It takes work to find new variations of healthy foods and to find new recipes and to cook and to plan it out. Very often, I find myself in an eating rut. Then sometimes, like this week, I eat my way through it and most of those foods are not on any kind of a plan that someone who is training for anything would eat. And the worst part is, I do this to my children. Because they eat what I eat. I send them messages that this is ok.
And I watch the calories go past my lips and as I'm watching that ticker go up (because I know how many calories each thing I am eating is) the numbers go up fast, like the numbers on an odometer spinning wildly and I don't put the brakes on.
And while I'm doing all that, of course I don't work out. Because we're busy! How can I fit working out into a busy travel schedule?! I mean, no one does that! It's impossible! (sarcasm.)
The gentle reminder about my consciousness or rather, unconcsiousness, comes a few days later when I step on the scale and the news is not good. I am reminded that I have to make a conscious decision just to do the small things, to put on my workout gear, to substitute a lower calorie hotdog instead of the full-fat kind, to plan my travel meals and snacks and to simply find the time to work out. That it's not impossible. But I have to be conscious.
Now I have to backtrack. All the hard work I have done has to be redone. All the miles I've logged have to be re-racked. All the calories I've burned have to be re-burned. That's the unfortunate part.
But, it's a small price to pay for a "gentle" reminder, right? Because there's nothing like a number on a scale to remind you of where you could go if you're not careful and I take the news with mixed feelings. I am scared of where I'm headed if I don't stop. I just plain feel gross and big, all those same feelings I used to just eat my way through long ago, but I am relieved a little that I am conscious enough to know now that I can catch it early. But, it resurrects all that bitterness inside me, the bitterness around the fact that no I cannot eat everything I want anytime I want to and yes, I will pay for it later. That's just how my body works. I hate that, I have always hated that and I will always hate that. Most times I just get over it and move on, but today, there it is! Waving its hands in my face! Lingering.
This is a cycle of ups and downs. The weight-loss journey never really does end. It just goes in a different direction. Of course, this reminder means it could certainly put me back at the beginning if I don't stop now. And I don't want to be back there. I don't ever want to be back there. I was so unhappy back there. That just wasn't me.
I'm not the give-up type. But sometimes I really, really want to. Even now, almost at maintenance, the journey doesn't get much easier. But the hard is what makes it good, right? It's what makes the ending so much sweeter. Now that's an ironic adjective.
Well, the alarm's ringing now. It's time to wake up and break the cycle. I've been unconscious long enough. I made a conscious effort to pack my stuff and put my bathing suit on and I made a conscious effort to eat a healthy breakfast. I have about a dozen more conscious decisions to make before I go to bed tonight (like lunch, dinner, snacks, dessert -- or no dessert-- planning for tomorrow, and food shopping) so wish me luck mkay?
Monday
Unconscious
Wednesday
Weigh-In Wednesday: The Post-Race Version (You know what that means)
In following with true Christie O. traditions, I have, again, gained weight after last Saturday's triathlon, followed by our longest Team In Training run yet, the 10 miler. For some reason, I gain weight after a tri (I'm going to have to do some scientific research on this) and it disappears on Thursday or Friday but it never disappears by Wednesday, which is, unfortunately weigh-in day. Today, I'm up 1.5. Suck.
So in keeping with the tradition and in lieu of I-knew-it-was-going-to-happen-I'm-sorry-dear-teammates, I'm looking at the cup half full here and going with the non-scale victories.
As in, like, I ran 10 miles. And I did it without wanting to entirely die! Usually my breathing gives out before my legs, but this time, even the first 1/2 mile of the run didn't suck, the whole thing went fantastic! And it was beautiful out and I ran and I ran and I ran and at one point yes, it did feel like it was forever but that's because it was, it was an hour and 42 minutes of just running. And stopping just once to take a picture of this:
And this:
Two separate (and huge) guys swimming in the bay! It wasn't even a lake it was a tiny inlet of the actual bay! Crazy gators.
It took me 1 hour and 42 minutes and the only part that stunk was the massive migraine I had for the rest of the day (exercising for long periods of time tends to trigger migraines in me, and boy, you learn a lot about your body when you do these things.)
Anyway, the other NSV was my first triathlon of the season last Saturday! I swam 1/2 mile, biked 10 miles and ran 4 miles in 1:32, beating my last swim by 3 minutes and instead of running 3 miles in 30 minutes, I ran 4 miles in 34 minutes! Which honestly makes me question the actual length of the run, because that pace just doesn't seem possible to me, I am thinking they are probably off by at least a third of a mile.
It was kind of a rough food weekend as I give myself a freebie on race days (BBQ-yum!) but then there was the little issue of my son's birthday party on Sunday (which honestly didn't go that bad, little cake, little pizza...ok maybe the chips and coke weren't necessary) and then Monday, which was his actual birthday and he requested hot dogs... But by Tuesday my body was rejecting all bad food and it craved plain grilled chicken and rice and plain cheerios, and plain goodness. Plain plain plain.
That's all for today. I have so much to post that's tri-related, like my race report and my swim updates and pictures and stuff that's just plain old life-related, because even when all my events are all over it still feels like there's always stuff going on, and well, life is getting in the way of my blogging. What I really want is one full day to just write and write and write. Anyway... cheers to another week, and my weight-loss by Friday. Ha!
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Weigh-In Wednesday: The Lots of "Firsts" Version
- 2 pounds lost and making it well into the 120's: check. (HURRAH!)
- 1 pair of size 6 Lucky brand shorts that
gave me the appearance of camel toe last summernow fit me and are actually loose: check - 1st official pair of khaki shorts out of the drawer and being worn because it's actually hot out and the Florida "winter" is officially gone: check (hurrah!)
- 1st year EVER wearing a tank top completely unabashedly and without an ounce of shame of my arms (and my friends and family know about my obsession with "FatArm" and yes, "FatArm" was a "condition" with its own name): check
- My first tri of the season this weekend! (Criminy!): check.
The first time the words "camel toe" appeared on this blog: check
Today is a good day.
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Weigh-In Wednesday and A Happy St. Patty's Day!
We woke up and we had some green milk and some green eggbeaters (yum!) so we're in the spirit!
And I was totally stoked when I woke up because I was just planning on maintaining this week. But noooooo! I lost anyway!! Despite missing two workouts because the little boy was sick and eating only kind of half ok and definitely not counting points because we went to Disney last week.
I lost 2 POUNDS!
Woohoo! Thank you, body, for not listening to my diet and workout last week. I'll be good to you this coming week, I promise.
Please help me fight cancer by donating HERE. I'll even give you a present! Check it out and read about who I'm running for HERE!
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Thursday
A Very Belated Weigh-In Wednesday
Well, I've made it!!! For this week, anyway, I have officially made it.
A 1.5 lb loss this week and I finally broke into the new decade of the 120s!!!! THE HOLY GRAIL OF CHRISTIE!! I feel like throwing a party! I don't every actually remember being here EVER! EVER EVER EVER! Except for high school when I remember being 117 pounds but I only knew that because I had a weigh-in in gym class. After that, I knew what size I was, but never really paid attention to the scale until my mid-20s (when it alllll went downhill or when my sizes went uphill, whichever way you wanna look at it.)
So here I am!!!
Makes me wanna eat a burger, to tell you the honest truth. Is that wrong?
Anyway, the best thing I have ever done in my life was set parallel goals (like a 5k or 10k or half-marathon or triathlon) to take my mind off of the amount of weight I had to lose. Because somewhere along the way it became more about fitness and less about weight and it actually started to come off. If I can just stay focused on that, I'm going to have a great year.
By the way I am late in posting because I was out of town for the day yesterday with the kids and my best friend's family at Disney and couldn't post so I was all bottled up inside all day wanting to burst and do cartwheels! Oh sure, there were a few marginal food choices Reuben sandwich but I am sure I earned about 150 activity points by going to a theme park with two toddlers and no husband -- do you have any idea how hard it is to carry a 30 lb toddler who's throwing a fit because he hasn't napped, up an entire grandstand of bleachers for a stunt show and down again while holding the hand of another squirmy toddler? The legs and arms burning, and my God the sweating...
This was my life all day yesterday. (Of course, we had a blast, we saw Mickey and my 3 year old's first crush (Snow White) and we danced in the streets during the parade -- but man was it work!)
How did you do this week??? Can't wait to see the leaderboard!! Woohooooo!
Please help me fight cancer by donating HERE. I'll even give you a present! Check it out and read about who I'm running for HERE!
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Wednesday
Weigh-In Wednesday: Body Fail and the Frog
This week, I am down one pound. It was kind of a rough week with working out because I was taking care of all the sickies, but I did make sure to eat ok so that it would all be ok when I got back into the gym which was Monday.
Also I learned something about myself. I learned that there is an ab exercise called the "Frog" in which I have complete body fail.
You sit on your butt. You lift your legs and bend your knees and pull them up toward your chest. Meantime, you keep your entire torso off the ground so that your body is sort of shaped like a "V" and you're just balancing on that tiny piece of butt. and then you bring your arms and knees together repeatedly. Which would be great except that I can't even get my body to do the position in the first place! My lower abs are almost non-existent! Thank goodness I took this class! I had no idea they were this weak! I MUST CONQUER THIS THING THEY CALL THE FROG!
If you got a second, try it. I'm going to keep trying. This is why I took that crazy body pump class and why I keep going. Because I went into complete body fail the first week, and then the second week, it was a little better. (Not the Frog, just the class itself. I went into body fail during other parts too, like 1:30 of planks and inverted planks --this lady kicks my rear!) I think I might keep going because I love the weight training/cardio combo and the pain I leave in (I can hardly turn the steering wheel, my arms are so shaky and sore. They're actually still sore.)
I'll just keep repeating Pain is good. Pain is good. Pain is good.
Right?
Happy W-I-W!
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The Inaugural Weigh-In for Rethink Your Shrink!!!
I went a little above "moderation" for the holidays, so now it's time to keep things in check. Seriously.
I'm up 2 pounds. Gah! So I'm off to the gym, stat.
Now go read about the new challenge right now! And go join us. Because 2010 is our year.
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Thursday
10 Ways to Dispose of Halloween Candy
I got to thinkin' bout our Halloween candy and the ways in which it has fattened me over the past couple a days (mostly because I have no self control) but for all intents and purposes, I'm gonna blame it on the candy and food-centered holidays and not the fact that I can't keep my piehole shut and/or stop my arms from rummaging around in the candy buckets. Right now they are sitting, still in their individual Elmo and Batman buckets, on top of the washer and dryer, completely out of sight and I am one day strong of being "candy-free" as a human being. I am pretty sure the kids have actually forgotten about it because there was no mention of the candy yesterday at all. Not once. So. I'm gonna go with that.
Darn you, candy!
And because candy has no feelings, I'm not going to feel bad about talking about ways to dispose of its chocolate butterfingery goodness. I started by googling 'What to do with Halloween candy', and got things like donate it, make a candy outfit (??) melt it, use it for recycling, BORING! I needed some creative sendoffs. Some serious adios! So here's a couple a ways I'd like to avenge myself. And ps. there is a protrusion in the shape of a Butterfinger on my hind quarter and if you look really closely, you can see the lettering. Darn you candy! Ok the list.
1. Stuff it all into the soggy decaying pumpkin family that we carved earlier this week that is oozing down my front wall.
2. Then launch the nasty candy-filled pumpkins using my medieval catapult that I (don't) have in my backyard into the farm behind me, the one who lets his poison ivy plants drape all down my fence in the back.
3. Put on my helmet and roll over it with my Razr scooter.
4. Tape it up, put it in my trunk (or the back of my minivan but that doesn't really work in this scenario), drive it out to the desert and drop it off, blindfolded, with a map, and dare it to find its way back to me.
5. Use it for batting practice.
6. Line it all up in front of the tv, make it watch a Bonanza marathon, then send it off in my (non-existent) potato shooter.
7. Tape one piece to the back of every runner in Sunday's 5k, unbeknownst to them. Kind of like a "kick me" sign. But yummier.
8. Donate it to The Biggest Loser for a temptation challenge and rig it so that Tracy keeps eating it in order to gain control of the game, only to lose control because she ate too many Butterfingers, fell below the yellow line, and then get sent home. Wait, that won't work because she just got sent home! Oh well. PS. Would you believe I actually ended up feeling bad that she got kicked off this week? I know. I'm too nice. Must've been the candy coma.9. Bury it in a Time Capsule in my front yard to be opened in 50 years. It will probably retain its original shape and original packaging because of all the preservatives and that grosses me out and makes me not want to touch anymore. I should've made this list in the first place.
10. Finally, make a candy garden. Bury the little pieces like seeds and see if they will grow into new or bigger pieces of candy. Wait, they won't grow? Well now it's too yucky to eat. So too bad.
Got any other creative candy sendoffs? Take my advice, if you can't keep your Butterfingers off the Butterfingers, take one last piece, then say "Adios!" Your hind quarters will thank you later. I'm sending mine into work with my husband. It's a bunch of dudes with a metabolism that's better than mine anyway.
Wednesday
Weigh-In Wednesday: The "TAKE THIS CANDY AWAY FROM ME!" version
Shoot. That scale's going in the wrong direction.
+ 1.
Darnit.
Well, if you must know, gobs of candy + very little working out = fat cells. More wordmath for you.I'm ashamed of myself. I may or may not have been spotted huddling in the laundry room taking down a mini-Butterfinger at warp speed in solitude. But in my defense, if they see me, they'll want one too! I'm sparing them the extra calories. Really .
Well one Butterfinger turned to four and then I found myself rummaging like a crack addict through the candy bucket to find more.
And well, no good came of it. I feel like a large lump today and I have no energy. And it's all on account of the Butterfinger.
Why do we do all this candy at Halloween?? I'm starting to look at food-centered holidays with contempt! If only I had a little self-control.
And since I'm a big proponent of doing something, instead of complaining about doing something (even though sometimes I just gotta vent and then regroup like today...), today I'm getting back in the pool and then spinning. And I'm sending the candy into work with my husband! Darnit. Tomorrow, I'm taking the little one to the gym. Friday, I'm going to bike. Saturday I'm doing some open water swimming with a couple members of my group, one of which is also a little heebied from where we've been swimming, in Jellyfish-land so see? We're changing that.
This week I did have a sort of breakthrough, I ran 3 miles (just short of 5k) in 28:35. Which means if I pound it out this week, I could possibly break my personal best of 32 minutes in a 5k! I've been shooting for the holy grail of the 30 minute 5k for forever and never quite reaching that, but maybe, just maybe, this weekend, on Sunday, which is World Run Day and the 5k run that everyone in the Sisterhood is doing as part of the finale to the EA Sports 5K Challenge, maybe that will be the day! Maybe!! Maybe?? I'm going to run my ass off.
Ps. If you're not doing the 5k challenge, go run on World Run Day anyway because well, it's World Run Day and millions of other people will be running too! And while you're at it, take some pictures of running on World Run Day! Maybe even a photo essay!
I have a small group of runners. Mostly my husband, my dad and my dad's friend and me. I know, it's small. But the race is sponsored by Blue Moon beer if that counts for something. Are you running?? Make sure you take pictures and share them on Sunday!!! And how did you do this week? Check in over at the Sisterhood! And if you haven't already, there are like a million zillion giveaways this month for the Shrinkaversary and all you have to do is have the ability to comment!
Happy Shrinking!
